The other day as I was walking through Maria Hernandez Park, a guy asked if I wanted to sample some nut milk. At first I just kept on walking, but then I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was giving out free samples of actual hazelnut milk, so I took one.
As it turned out, his nut milk was, and remains, delicious. Cool and refreshing with a subtle but real hazelnut flavor, not the fake kind that stinks up the car when your friend gets a Dunkin Donuts coffee. It’s unsweetened, which I appreciate. Plus it comes in a fun glass medicine bottle, which somehow seems both quaintly old timey and sketchily Bushwick. I bought a bottle and have been putting it in my coffee, tea and cereal all week. It’s not much more expensive than regular old Almond Breeze but the use of such a seldom milked nut makes it feel ever so exotic and special.
The man (who goes by Ronny) told me he lives in the neighborhood and will hand deliver his product to my house whenever I like at no additional charge! He also makes almond, cashew, macadamia(!) and pistachio(!!) beverages, so something tells me I’m going to be sampling a whole lot more nut milk in the future.
Among the many details that have surfaced regarding Terry Richardson’s private photo sessions, one of the ickiest is a female colleague who reportedly stands by to take photos and cheer him on as he engages in sex acts with barely legal models.
Charlotte Waters and Jamie Peck, two former models who have spoken out about their humiliating experiences with Richardson, have now confirmed that the colleague in question is Leslie Lessin, a successful stylist with a Rolodex of high-profile clients. According to both women, Lessin was the “assistant” who served as Richardson’s enabler, facilitator and collaborator during their shoots.
Food: Daiya cream cheese style spread, chive and onion flavor
Score(0.0-10.0): 0.0 WORST NEW SPREAD
Let me preface this by saying that I love Daiya’s fake cheese shreds. Before Daiya came along, I pretty much didn’t eat pizza or nachos, because I’d rather have no pizza at all than pizza without the all-important element of melty, salty, gooey, mouth burning cheese. I even once sheepishly apologized to a restauranteur after his sudden axing of Daiya from the menu sent me on a roller coaster ride of emotions I was ill equipped to process in polite company. So when I started seeing Daiya’s cream cheese spread on the shelf alongside the usual Tofutti stuff, I was curious but not curious enough to drop a few extra dollars on it.
Well, earlier at Whole Foods I saw that the price had been lowered to be just about in line with Tofutti’s Better Than Cream Cheese, so I figured what the hell, I’m feeling adventurous today.
Daiya, you dun goofed.
This spread is so gross I don’t even want to taste it again for reviewing purposes. But it’s got a lot of bad stuff going on at once, so if I want to convey the full scope of its horror, I must.
It seems they tried to make it taste “cheesy” by loading it down with salt, lactic acid and vegan enzyme. A noble pursuit, but real cream cheese has a pretty mild flavor, so they overshot the mark by a lot. This would not be such a bad thing if the flavors were anywhere in line with what actual cheese tastes like, but instead they do a horrid little dance on the tongue that starts off just okay, veers off into Ashlee Simpson territory and ends on a bizarrely sweet and chemical note, like catching a note of soy in your vegan cheesecake only way worse because I actually like the taste of tofu.
I’m tempted to bring it back to Whole Foods on the off chance that it’s simply gone bad, but the sell-by date isn’t until June and it doesn’t really taste like it’s gone bad. It tastes like it has simply always been bad, and not in a rancid, got-left-out-in-the-heat way, but in a rushed-to-market-too-soon, created-by-people-who’ve-never-tasted-the-competition way. I will take Tofutti and its partially hydrogenated soybean oil over this toxic sludge any day.
I have a lot of opinions on food, so I started a blog to put them in. Tell your vegan friends!